on life in flux & synchronicity

With my first month in Los Angeles coming to an end and my 25th birthday around the corner I’ve been eager to take a step back and evaluate how my life became what it is today.

Surely it’s no coincidence that my immediate needs are somehow always taken care of, and my deepest desires seem to find their way to me (if I let them.)

I had longed to live among the stars, but California was never a realistic prospect.

How would I with no stable income, no family on the West Coast, and a lot of debt make a move like that?

I found myself regarding it more as a wishful thought than an actual intention.

“Maybe one day,” I figured absently.

I mean, I wasn’t prepared to live out of my car to make it happen. Still, I didn’t let it die either.

I carry my dreams with me.

Why not?

They’re not as heavy as my worries, and I’ve been carrying those around long enough.

Between the mundane day-to-day tasks and the worst-case scenarios I have a bad habit of playing out in my head, my subconscious clutches my hopes and aspirations close.

The thing about life is that we can’t control it.

Think about all the things that have happened to you unexpectedly, the good and the bad, and how they’ve changed the course of your life since.

I convinced myself that running through contingency plans was helpful, ’cause I could put myself in the position and decide what I would do if it actually happened.

prepare for the worst

That’s why right out of college, I took a high-paying entry-level job with a multi-national corporation.

“Look at me,” I thought “I’m educated, responsible, and prepared for the worst.”

Until a few months went by and I became not just depressed, but absolutely hopeless.

The idealistic picture of my future life got me through college and the meaningless jobs I held along the way, but I had suddenly lost that.

My future looked like more of the same-shit-different-day stuff I had already grown weary of: quarterly evaluations, controlling back stock overflow, broken merchandisers, angry grocery store managers, and the occasional praise doled out by my DM, a devoted man who had spent over 30 years committed to the same company and still only had his highest goal set on retirement so *maybe* he could spend his final years with his family.

There was something wrong with that picture.

That’s not the kind of future that makes my pulse quicken, rather it’s the kind of picture that makes me wonder

“Why bother?” I remember crying on the phone to my parents in the parking lot of one of the grocery stores I was servicing, asking them “What do I do next?”

“I can’t tell you what to do anymore,” was the best my mother could come up with, “just do what makes you happy.”

I can’t blame her, I mean what do you say when your twenty-something child is having a mental-breakdown brought on by existential crisis?

I had to leave that job, obviously.

I didn’t really have a backup plan, which terrified me, but I was already working as a cocktail waitress on weekends and took on another odd job as a production assistant printing shirts and other garments at a sublimation print shop in Wynwood.

Not so glamorous, but I got those gigs through my roommates at the time— just one instance where the universe was taking care of me in totally unpredictable ways.

prepare for the worst, but expect the best

It was around this time that my outlook evolved into “Prepare for the worst, but expect the best.”

So I looked for a job that sounded fun, and tried not to worry about the compensation too much.

One afternoon, I must’ve sent out about a dozen resumes.

The listing that interested me the most, for a part-time assistant at a photography studio in Miami Beach, was the only one that I ended up getting a response from— and it happened quickly from there.

I interviewed with the owners the same day; a hyperactive visionary-type and an inquisitive business man.

It ended up being much more than a photography studio, and I was hired to help market their little cosmetics start-up on the spot.

There’s much more to the story of my life in Miami, but that’s for another post.

The point here is that this was a turning point.

expect the best

I started my blog as a direct result of the experiences I gained at that company and, for the first time, I had a sense of purpose that wasn’t tied to a graduation date, hinged on a certain job, or dependent on a relationship.

This is crucial.

Do you have something like that in your life?

If you don’t, I urge you to consider cultivating a hobby or a passion project—

a constant, so to speak—

that you can continue to pursue no matter what happens around you.

Maybe blogging is not for you, but it could be writing a novel, building a business, learning to cook, or physical training of some kind.

It’s not an exaggeration to say that my life has changed since I started blogging.

I have something to talk about when I meet new people, something that gets me excited.

I have an outlet for my feelings and my jumbled creativity. I have an environment to test new skills and marketing techniques.

And amazingly, I have a voice that’s capable of reaching  anyone in the English-speaking world.

That may have been when I started blogging, whimsically at best, but day-to-day life itself went on pretty much the same for a while.

Daily commute, pay the bills, try to make friends, go on dates, etc. I started to realize that, although I liked my job, I didn’t like working for someone else so much.

It also dawned on me that I didn’t have to.

I had marketable skills and abilities, and I could continue to develop them.

Maybe I could be a consultant some day, work from home, make my own schedule, yadda-yadda.

A little older, I focused my energy on being positive and open to new experiences.

They say positive thoughts lead to a positive life.

I started saying yes to activities and gatherings I wouldn’t normally pursue.

If you’ve ever seen Yes Man with Jim Carrey…

It was a somewhat less extreme version of that.

The results were not instant.

I went on lots of dates and even dated two guys at the same time. (I mean, I wasn’t asked to be exclusive with anyone, so why not?)

I went out with girls I didn’t really like and partied way too hard.

I was giving people the benefit of the doubt, even when I knew they were bad news.

Maybe some would call it living recklessly, but I was really just breaking the habit of playing it safe for the first time in my life.

However, I did end up learning a lot about myself… the dating taught me what I wanted out of a relationship, I met my current boyfriend through one of those girls I didn’t really like, and in giving the benefit of the doubt, I learned to have patience and compassion for others.

I speak in the past tense because this crash course in living dangerously sort of dialed down around the time my boyfriend and I started going out (which was several months after I initially met him.)

A year later, he asked me to follow him home to Los Angeles, a place where I wanted to live before I had even met him.

How’s that for synchronicity?

Besides, I didn’t want to keep working the job I had, and I figured I’d have better luck finding work in fashion, beauty, or tech out in Los Angeles as opposed to Miami. I’m also incredibly fortunate and grateful to him and his family for their instant acceptance and whole-hearted support.

This story doesn’t end with a happily ever after. Rather, I’m still taking it day by day.

I’m finally pursuing my desire to work from home as a digital marketing consultant, and I even landed my first client recently. (Another totally serendipitous occurrence.)

I’m still a work in progress but I have, for the most part, switched the script on my inner dialogue.

With each goal reached, an even greater goal takes its place.

I hope to be able to announce soon the details of a major project that will cause a digital disruption throughout the fashion world and eventually, all industries with tangible goods.

Until next time, enjoy some photos I did with Alex Goykhman before I left Miami…

– Photos by Goykphoto –